Story: If the Shoe Fits

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Kevin, in alt.callahans, posted this and its placed here with his
permission.

If the Shoe Fits
By Kevin Cheek
Copyright © 1998 by Kevin Cheek. All Rights Reserved.

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING IS A SPOOF. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL EVENTS,
OR PERSONS LIVING OR DEAD, IS ENTIRELY COINCIDENTAL.

Sorry, had to be said.

[Evening Newscast Music Plays]

[News Anchor]: “Good Evening. Our top story: Your shoes: Are they
Y2K compatible? With more on this story, here’s Don .”

[Cut to reporter standing on a busy sidewalk]

[Don]: “Thank’s Stan. As the millennium approaches, the issue of
Y2K looms ever larger on the horizon. And yet, some industries in
this country have yet to come to grips with this problem. Such is
the case with shoes.”

[Cut to video of people walking on the sidewalk, focusing on their shoes]

[Don]: “Shoes are worn by almost every American, and yet shoe
companies are not yet working to ensure that their shoes will work
past Midnight on December 31, 1999.”

[Cut to clip of a woman behind a desk]

[Spokesperson] “We just make shoes. Fancy shoes. Plain shoes.
Shoes that glow in the dark. Y2K just isn’t an issue.”

[Don]: “So say Psyche Spokesperson Penny Lothar, who openly admits
that her company is not looking into possible Y2K problems with
their shoes.”

[Spokesperson]: “These are shoes, not computers. I really don’t see
where there’s a problem.”

[Don]: “However, Shoes and Y2K expert Poul Etpetite disagrees.”

[Expert]:“The problem is that millions of Americans wear shoes, and
the industry has yet to address how Y2K will affect shoes.”

[Don]: “Poul, author of ‘The Barefoot Crises: The New Millennium and
Your Feet,’ tells of possible problems with Y2K and shoes.”

[Expert]:“When you think about it, we wear shoes. So hard shoes are
hardwear, and soft shoes are softwear, and yet few people have
picked up on this. It’s a boot-up issue, really.”

[Spokesperson, slightly annoyed]: “Look. We’re talking about shoes
here. Shoes. Shoes are not going to be affected by Y2K. Period.”

[Expert]:“I really hope Ms. Lothar is correct, but we don’t know.
Shoe companies here and abroad haven’t budgeted funds to see whether
Y2K will affect shoes or not.”

[Don]:“And that’s the situation, Stan. If Penny Lothar is right, we
don’t need to worry about our shoes. But if she is wrong, then
millions of Americans could face problems when the new millennium
rolls around.”

[News Anchor]:” Don: Is the position taken by Psyche typical among
shoe companies?”

[Don]: “Indeed it is. Every shoe company we spoke with denies that
Y2K will affect shoes.”

[News Anchor]: “Incredible.”

Copyright © 1998 by Kevin Cheek. All Rights Reserved

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Categories Poetry, Funny

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